Ten Years Today
by Shrill Silence
Summary: I remember the exact moment I was told you were gone.     I remember feeling like the world was over.     I remember thinking it was a lie, a hoax, just a made-up story from someone's twisted mind.    I remember the moment I realized it wasn't.


**Edit: 7/6/2011 Just came back to this to fix some wording and grammar issues, as well as some formatting stuff. Ugh. I've also realized that this is utterly depressing to me. I was in a terrible state of mind when I wrote this, obviously.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sadly, I have only dreams and fantasies :(**

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_**Ten Years Today**_

I remember the exact moment I was told you were gone.

I remember feeling like the world was over.

I remember thinking it was a lie, a hoax, just a made-up story from someone's twisted mind.

I remember the moment I realized it wasn't.

_Ten years ago, I got a call that nearly killed me_

_Repeat yourself, my hands are shaking_

_When I was told, my friend was gone I felt so guilty_

_A thousand questions left unanswered_

My heart, it felt like it had been ripped from my chest and torn to shreds in front of me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't understand how it could happen to _you_, of _all _people. I couldn't believe you had just _left _me.

_I remember wishing it had been me_

_I'll bleed if you want me to_

_I'll serenade before I do_

_I'll bleed if you want me to_

We went to your memorial garden on graduation night. (Yes, that's right, J.T. - you've got an entire memorial dedicated to you; I can just _see _you laughing your butt off up there about that.) We put your cap - that ugly, blue cap - on your picture, so you could graduate with us, so you wouldn't be left behind.

_On and on although you're gone, candles burn without a flame on_

_Our final call to you, I know you're listening_

_How could you leave us that way?_

_Where did you go? (Ten years today)_

It's been ten years, ten years to the date. Now we're all gathered around your gravesite, the four of us. Your gravestone is beautiful; an angel that looks skyward, a peaceful smile upon her flawless granite face, her hands raised to the heavens and holding your picture toward your new home. Your epitaph, simple and sweet: _James Tiberius Yorke, Beloved Son, Friend, and Father, Taken From Us So Young He Shall Live On In Our Memories._

Yes, I'm responsible for the _father _part. Despite the fact that we couldn't keep our baby, I know that if we had you would have been loved by it almost as much as you are by me.

_Ten years ago, I stood beside the wood that held you_

_I must sit down, my legs are shaking_

_We let you go, with gifts of plectrums for your journey_

_And melodies to help you on your way_

I want you to know that I forgive you - for everything - and that I'm sorry, _so sorry_, for all that I did to you. I'm sorry, too, for having a part in your death. I know that, right now, you're probably upset that I still think about it, but I can't stop. If you hadn't been coming to see me, you wouldn't have been outside when the Lakehurst boys were; you would still be alive.

_I'll bleed if you want me to_

_I'll serenade before I do_

_I'll bleed if you want me to_

The anniversary of your death, for the first few years, was always a tearful and agonizing reunion for the four of us; Manny, Emma, Toby, and I would do nothing but weep and scream in anger and blubber out tales of our memories of you. The last four years, we've still cried and told each other more of the crazy stunts you pulled and that we usually were blamed for.

Today, the tenth anniversary, we're still crying - but not in anger or sadness or hysteria. We're not recounting our time spent with you as if we're still holding on to you, holding you back. This year, we're still describing more of your misadventures (_amazing_, how we never seem to run out of them) and we're still crying, but this year, we're ready to let you go. You'll continue to live on in our memories forever. We'll always think of you and of what could have been, but… We won't keep you locked in our grief. We love you, J.T., and we don't want to hold you back anymore.

We're setting you free.

_On and on although you're gone, candles burn without a flame on_

_Our final call to you, I know you're listening_

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**:*( This was kind of depressing to write, I must say. It's not something I usually write, but I was listening to this song - which by the way, is called **_**10 Years Today **_**by Bullet for My Valentine - and then **_**this **_**happened. If any of you know this song, you'll know that I've completely cut out the last, like, half of the song, but it just wouldn't have worked - in my mind - if I had used the rest, because it would change the entire story. **

**Anyway… :) Let me know what you thought! Reviews are happiness!**

**~Shrill Silence**


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